main goals when going to a friends house:
-don’t clog toilet
*steps in something wet* *screams for 34 years*
*steps in something wet while wearing just socks* *screams for 68 years*
how my emotions work
it doesn’t matter how slow you go as long as you’re not walking in front of me
i hate it when you accidentally pick off a bit of dead skin on your lip and you can’t stop until you’ve peeled your entire face off
RIP to the thousands of turkeys being slaughtered in the name of “giving thanks” and “peace on earth”.
And RIP to all the Native Americans who are completely forgotten/have their genocide glamorized and covered up by this holiday
RIP to my asshole after all the food is done being digested
RIP to my bussy after getting pounded by my cousin in the bathroom after thanksgiving dinner
it is day 7 of being stranded in the desert. “hey is it hot in here or is it just me” i say to myself. i may be losing my mind, but i am gaining self confidence
The last joke ever made on Friends.